Movies that Should Require a Health Warning Label

 

Gimmick promotion for the Screaming Skull offering a free coffin if you die of fright. 

I finally saw Uncut Gems, the other day. As the credits rolled, I turned to my wife in excitement and asked her "is this movie more anxiety inducing than [redacted]?". She said no, but it was fairly close. To me, this movie even tops Bad Lieutenant (1992) in the realm of characters digging a hole for themselves with high-stakes gambling. It made me feel sick how badly main character Howard Ratner was screwing up his life. I had a great time. 

But my wife and I agreed that it wasn't quite the most nerve-racking movie. I have a good idea what is, but nobody else seems to have a clue. Combing through listicles and various web-posts, I did not see my pick mentioned, and I did not see my second pick mentioned. I saw some very dubious choices--great films, to be sure--but nothing that makes me sweat, or stay my breath for a significant amount of the runtime. Somebody even listed La Strada in their top ten, which is fucking crazy; congratulations on your good taste in film, but no. 


First Academy Award Winner for best International Feature Film and high octane thrill ride. 

There are movies with tense sequences like Whiplash and Inglorious Basterds (both featured in at least one top ten), characters with the sword of Damocles dangling overhead like Hereditary (saw that one too), and movies that give the audience a real sense of visceral anguish like Audition and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) (check, and check), but that's not quite what I mean. Hereditary especially amuses me because it, and also Midsommar, have a sense of building dread, but Beau is Afraid and Eddington are more nerve racking and have me muttering "oh, goddam it" every few minutes. Now, that's what I'm talking about, friends.

Breakdown

If I was chasing ad revenue, I'd make a top ten and Breakdown would be my number two. This movie is in the Taken subgenre of kidnapping/ransom victim suspense thrillers, but is the anti-Taken. It starts out as a mystery then turns into a very dire situation for Kurt Russel's character Jeffrey Taylor, who is so completely in over his head; he does not have a very particular set of skills to help him rescue his wife from a group of psychotic rednecks. This movie takes off in the second act and it doesn't let up, and has a quite satisfying payoff.

Caution: this movie might burn a hole in your stomach.

This is the most anxiety inducing movie I've ever seen. Whenever a movie character is having an especially bad time I compare it to this movie. It is nonstop. Almost anything bad that can happen to a person while traveling happens in the Out-of-Towners. I would almost rather be the guy in Breakdown. It is such a good movie, but I have to watch it when my wife isn't home, because she can't stand the thought of a second viewing. Check it out.





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