'Tis Ne'er E'er O'er, M'Lo'er o' Clo'er

 

Did you know that clover lawns require much less water and mowing that stupid grass lawns? Actually, did you know that clover lawns are a thing? Clovers crowd out weeds, promote grass growth, enrich the soil with nitrogen, encourage pollinators, and feed wildlife. So, they are better than grass in every conceivable way. Lawncare companies want you to believe they are undesirable weeds, but don't believe them.

It isn't easy, though. It takes work, and there is a learning curve. Let it never be said that I'm just too lazy for grass lawns. I'll explain.

Strong Bad said this in SBemail 195: Love Poems, and it's true.

My herculean struggle to cultivate the ten by thirtysomething-foot sloped patch of dirt in front of my house begins anew, as Spring approaches. For over two years I have been broadcasting seeds, raking, watering, and overseeding in the suggested Spring and Autumn planting periods. The results have been mixed. I've learned a lot, though; partially from online resources, but mainly from making mistakes.

Cursed patch of dirt.

Here's some things that I have done to kill my clovers:

• broadcasted seeds without raking
• underwatered during the germination stage
• planted in the summer
• stopped daily watering prematurely (in the Spring, and the Winter)
• continued twice a day watering too long
• overwatered to the point of root rot (this was rough on me, because the plot was covered quite well with clover saplings)
• planting the wrong clover seeds (supposedly)
• live in Texas

I have ordered 12 lbs. of perennial white clover seeds (enough for an entire football field), I have tilled the soil, and folded in 8 bags of garden soil. I plan to add gypsum, and sometime soon I will cast my seeds, and water twice daily for two weeks, then taper off. All this while overseeding my established grass lawns. 

You might wonder why I go through the trouble. It's simple: I hate grass lawns. They are wasteful, time consuming, and, to me, a symbol of mindless conformity. Some 17th century aristocrats started the trend of showing off their affluence by making their servants plant and maintain useless grass lawns, so now we are held hostage by social pressure and HOA guidelines to do the same, and most people aren't even succeeding. Maybe six lawns in my town have really banging grass lawns by June, spending a fortune on watering, then everybody has the same dead brown lawn by late November.